What is the real meaning behind the corporate phrases?

• “COMPETITIVE SALARY”
  We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
• “JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM”
  We have no time to train you.
• “CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE”
  We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
• “MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED”
  You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
• “SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED”
  Some time each night and some time each weekend.
• “DUTIES WILL VARY”
  Anyone in the office can boss you around.
• “MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL”
  We have no quality control.
• “CAREER-MINDED”
  Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
• “APPLY IN PERSON”
  If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told the position has been filled.
• “NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE”
  We’ve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
• “SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE”
  You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.
• “PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST”
  You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
• “REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS”
  You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
• “GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS”
  Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.